Attachments

2013
Five years
Countless students
My Form class is on the verge of exam
On the edge of the cliff
Just about to jump
Leap out into life
Wow....5 years have passed since I began this teaching adventure
And you learn so much along the way
So much trial and error as well
So many mistakes
Assumptions
That don't help - they hurt/
\I am so attached to so many of my "children"
I worry about them
I feel joy at their successes
I will miss them
The imperfection
The honesty
The love
I guess in some ways we are tied to each other for always
We will always have that teacher-student bond
Always

Where Did 2012 Go? Academic Year 4 in Review

I am glancing back at the beginning of this blog. WOW.
So much has happened.
Things that I cannot even mention here.
But so much.

As the term has ended and 2012 is quietly making its way out - ushering in 2013 I find myself wanting. Teaching still provides joy - however now the various administrative frustrations has me yearning for change.

I am not even sure what the change is. But I plan on remaining focused until some movement occurs. I think about the sadness if/when I ever move on and leave my present school. My students will be very disappointed. Some will be angry. Some will beleive that I am in fact abandoning them. There will be guilt. There will be tears. But I must remember (paraphrasing a quote) that ALL changes, even the one most hoped for, has its melancholy. We must die to one life before we can transition into another. Indeed change is on the horizon.

So...here I am...planning purposefully. Praying. Waiting.

2013? Let's go!

I am Reflection.

I am at the doorsteps of 2011. End of Term 1 of the school year.

*insert BIG BIG BIGGGGG SMILE*

It has been a very long term.

An even longer semester of assignments, presentation and above all else - learning.

This term my personal experiences taught me alot about dealing with my students.

I have learnt more about group dynamics and group work than I ever care for.

Really. Too much. As I went through the process and sometimes emotional distress of group work and activity I understand even more clearly how my students feel when I expect them to work in groups for extended periods of time.

I have learnt how to care and love my students even more. Early in my teaching career I was very taken aback by the amount of attention students needed.

"Miss ah want"

"Miss ah need"

"Miss tell me"

"Miss give me"

"Missssssssssss!"

I could not teach until I have addressed their myriad issues ranging from homework to issues at home to issues with other students. I thought to myself, exasperated "Who am I really supposed to be in this job??? Dey mudder??? Steups."

As the years I have come to know that yes- in loco parentis

I am the mother that they do not have, the father they do not see, the listening ears that they do not experience. I am that for them.

I have learnt to embrace this aspect of my profession.

I find myself getting them Valentine's day presents, Christmas tokens, Children's Day....just because tokens.

It is strange but a good feeling.

Year 3. Let's Go.

My mantra for this term is:

"Every child has the ability to learn and I intend to build upon this positive assumption"

Sometimes I feel like I am doing my best and giving all that I have - but that can't be true.

As long as there is more to learn I must have more to give.

Like children they take and take and demand more and more.

Under their scrutiny we teach them the unspoken lessons through our actions.

Long ago and even today many said/say that "teaching is a vocation"

I have really come to embrace this since your calling and love of job is the only thing that caan keep you when the children of the 21st century display some "demonic" qualities.

I constantly ask myself "How can I be better?" "What can I do to make their learning easier?"

Sometimes the questions can torture and sometimes offer answers.

So on this, my 3rd teaching anniversary - I am once again faced with new challenges

Challenges that sometimes, if not for God's grace I would run away.

But I think about what my students face everyday

Broken lives, broken homes, physical abuse, emotional and sexual abuse.

Parents that give money and things, but not time and attention

Communities that seek their own and no one else's

Who will do for them?

I must give my all.

Who will beleive in them?

I must give my all.

I may be looking into the eyes of a criminal or a world changer - what makes the difference?

Tests. Tears. Assessment.

As a teacher the mantra goes "I teach therefore I test"...though sometimes I think it should be "I teach therefore I drink" lol

Every teacher one several occasions throughout the year tests. We create forms of assessment that we think suits the levels we taught at - yet sometimes you get complaints and even on rarer occasions...tears.

Last Friday I gave an exam that I felt sure my students would be able to think through and complete comfortably. We marked the exam right then and there in the classroom and it left the students unhappy and me literally horrified.

I pride myself in being a teacher that has my students best interest at heart. I only test what I teach and I gave adequate room during lessons for questions and a variety of examples. Yet for all so many of them failed the exam or barely passed that I could not help but question what went wrong during the teaching?

My feeling got even lower today as I saw one of the students this morning jst as I got in. I said, "Bee how you going love?"

"Miss I ok. Oh gosh Miss that test!"

"Don't worry I making sure to go through it in class on Wednesday. We will sort it out"

"Miss doh watch mih...I don't like to do bad"

"Don't worry we will fix dat."

The child was in tears. She didn't want me to look at her because she was so ashamed of her performance.

My heart dropped. I felt as if I had failed her. Sigh. I still am not sure how to fix it.

The joys of teaching come with alot of challenges.

Even after teaching the lessons, correcting the homework, answering questions during extra sessions...still. Tears can happen and you feel as if it had gone for naught.

New Year. 2008 to Present...

I find it a bit hard to take in the fact that it is almost my three year anniversary in teaching.

Many lives impacted...in fact I checked

Form 5, Form 6 x 3 = 165 students. Graduated. Moving forward.

I learned that as teachers we learn and take so much from our students that it is only a justified that we in return give them the best of our abilities.

SO 2011..here we are. Looking for new ways to do better and be better.

In Full Flight

Today my class graduated.

My first Form 4- Form 5 Biology class.

My first teaching experience class.

Not an inherited class.

My class.

As I saw them smiling in their seats I wondered whether I gave them everything they needed to go out and do well.

Did I give enough advice?

Enough guidance?

Sigh...I couldn't help but feel this sense of apprehension.

So innocent. So much they did not yet know.

Before the sadness could fully envelope me, I started receiving some "notes" and words of comfort

" i just wanted to say that you are a wonderful teacher and thanks for teaching me. its so great that you instilled very valuable information in me that i can use very wisely today. i hope you have alot of fun with the new upper sixes as you did with us."

"Thanks Miss"

"Miss you could add me on FB now! I graduate! Love you Miss!"

Well...you get the idea. So I hold on to the hope that their paths though not perfect, will be filled with experiences that allow them to learn and thrive...fly...