Practice what you Teach?

Last night I went to sleep anxious, nervous, palms sweating and unable to sleep....

Why?

My first set of students had my subject at CSEC and CAPE level today. I got up and prayed, "Lord help them to be calm and retain..even de lil slow ones Lord...help them."

When I got to school I was so nervous! After a while I thought, but what de hell I already have a 1 and a B in Biology! lol But as I have mentioned in many of my blogs before - what is the point of being a teacher if you can't teach? A carpenter and can't build one table? Not even a bench? Despite what - student performance is our performance indicator. How well you taught or did not teach is reflected in how your students perform at a national level.  And just that fact right there?? Had me scared out of my wits, which is exactly why I went to view the CAPE paper first. See my CSEC class is/was an inherited class**, so in my Upper 6's I had a little more confidence. 

Went in..nervous..shaking...thinking about it now..I'm such a punk! lol 

Told the head invigilator that I was the subject teacher, she handed me a copy of the paper and I sat an perused. I smiled. I smiled. Heart racing I signed the form and practically ran out the room, and headed toward where the CSEC students were taking their exam. Did the same thing, sat and perused. I smirked. Winced. Shook my head. Left the room. Difference was? Inherited class.** 

I sat in the administration building waiting for the exam to be done with - to hear the reactions. And I felt justified today. One of my Upper 6 students said, "Miss, I eh go lie - yuh teach we like a boss. There was nothing on that paper that we could not do and it was because you taught us how to answer questions. Nah Miss, yuh is ah boss." 

I kid you not. I was moved beyond expression. That right there? Was my wooden stool. My first couch set. lol 

So ladies and gentlemen that was today - and I am a boss. 

Inherited Class** - This is a class that a teacher receives in their last year for 2 terms just before CXC. The class would usually not have had a teacher for the entire of their Form 4 year and you are expected to teach them everything they missed inclusive of what they need to know in their Form 5 year. Challenge? Yeah. In addition, inherited children, are not usually in the mood to learn, hence their lackadaisical disposition does not aid much in fostering an engaging learning environment. 

When ah dead bury meh clothes

So as I must have mentioned before...de chirren HOT LIKE PEPPA! lol...yeah I remember mentioning that. This term though? I got to witness some 'fulfilment of promises'. 

What's that? lol...

Last  term.. around carnival time so - parents were called in citing 'inappropriate behavior' on the part of their wards. Some parents shrugged their shoulders nonchalantly while others made that promise that no child really wants to hear..."De next time I have to come in school I will cut yuh ass right here!"

Well mamayo! Those children CLEARLY forgot that the individuals they live with, carrying the title of parent, can periodically act like lunatics when it comes to misbehavior in school aka 'makin meh shame'. 

Hear nah parent after parent (and I've been observing this for some  weeks now) - I seriously thought those children would not be coming back to school lol lol and people think you don't know..but YOU KNOW the children WHO KNOW their mom/dad or both will go postal on them..sad to say you also know the ones whose parent ain't bout shit and ain't gonna do shit. Is true. 

First case:

"Miss, WHAT has she been doing?"

*child's eyes close, instant tears*

"Don't worry Miss...that WILL NOT happen again. Right Diesel?"

*child paralyzed, cyar talk*

Second case:

To child:

"Girl...you KNOW I mad."

Teacher to parent:

"Mam, please not at school"

Parent to teacher:

"What??? This is mine! I make it! Call God or call de police!"

And these are just a few. Why in God's name theses little girls and boys keep touching up each other like dogs in heat??? Not only that but getting ketch CONSISTENTLY???? Ugh! At least put a lil thought into it nah? Geez. 

All the melay made me wonder where does the discipline end and the child abuse begin? Where do parents draw the line? But as a teacher? I can't help but feel the plight of the single parent, now get a lil end to bring in some money - but have to be taking days she don't have to come an school to deal wid she own chile who crotch seem to be on fire.

I know all the child activists goin to come out in droves - oh the child have psychological problems blah blah, licks is not the answer But nah man some of them? Eh eh...they OVER BAD lol And they're that way because they KNOW that their parents fall for the psychological BS they try to feed into every situation. 

I think though that in some cases, the kids do need help and are in fact crying out for some attention but where are parents taught that? Where do you learn to differentiate between a child that needs a slap for being rude and one who needs some one on one couch time?

Sex Ed - The Evolution

Now people...I know you remember the previous blogs on sex ed...and really I never thought I would hear anything to top what i heard in those Form 5 classes BUT this term - Form 2's are being introduced to reproduction and WOWWWWWWWWW I can't help but laugh. I started off with a simple definition of reproduction or rather a purpose : "Reproduction is the process that ensures continuity or the survival of a species."

So I went on to say that since sexual reproduction is our means of facilitating reproduction - then the purpose of sex is for reproduction right? They say..."yeahhhhhh..."

I say "right. So then, according to our definition, humans should only have sex if the aim is have a baby. right?"

They say "ummmmmm......"

LOL

Wait it gets better.

LOL

So I say - "so if we think of sex as a light switch whereby everytime you have sex you flick the switch and when u see light that would be the baby - you shouldn't really do it unless you planning to have a baby right?"

Here it comes:

1. "So..ummm..Miss...but ent you does do it just for so?"

2. "But Miss...what if the bulb blow?"

3. "Or if it eh have no current Miss?"

4. "Miss so you saying just because we have the equipment doh mean we should be using it?"

5. "SO Miss then if everybody know that then the only people having sex should be ole people?"

6. "Miss I doh feel yuh should only have sex to get chile - yuh should have it to feel good too..ent?"

After answering those questions and refocusing the discussion I forged on to the structure of the Male Reproductive System. We get to the description of the urethra and penis and it says it scientific terms that men cannot "multitask" hehehe... so I ask..so this means what people? That men can't do what an what at the same time?

Hand goes up in the air.

"Missssss me!!!!!!"

"Yes Kelly."

"Miss dey cyar pee and break at the same time."

" 'Pee' and 'break'? I don't know those terms. What do you mean?"

"Miss...they can't...Urinate and...hmmmm...sperminate at the same time."

LOL

"Kelly...the word is ejaculate hunny. Write it down."

LOL

Hear nah...it was a wonderful experience - I cannot even BEGIN to blog about all the interesting ideas my kids had. Different from the form 5 discussion though was the experience. I knew from just what they said that, though they hot - dey eh really doing nothin yet. YET. The innocence is still clear.

Ok one for the road. After discussing the male reproductive system.

"So Miss... when we get to see pictures?"

Gears up!

Well..the vacation has ended - and to be honest I can't wait to go back out to school. Contrary to my students' beliefs- we teachers DO NOT live in jars - and do indeed have lives. Lives that I must admit can be a bit frustrating at times - so I am happy to go back to my safe world of mayhem that is the school system. 

I'm a bit nervous about this term - my first batch of kids will have CXC and CAPE exams- I am so anxious and excited for them. Despite what anyone says teachers are measured on the performance of students. Plain fact. If de chirren getting 1's - de teacher could teach. If dey gettin 4's she cyar teach shit. Make sense. I mean you  cyar claim to be a carpenter - yet not for all de doubles in Curepe you can't build a bench....somethin's gotta give. 

Well that's it for now.

Note to self: Where are all the hot looking young male teachers? No seriously...WHERE? If you know hit me up - I  APPLYIN FOR A TRANSFER! LOL 

Exhaling...

Well we're at the end of another term and WHEW! I survived! As I get more and more into teaching I am realizing more and more just how deep this hole goes...

I watched as my exam students went through, what I call "burn out" where they refused to learn anything more. They're like "Miss....PLEASE no more!!!!!"

I watched as clueless parents STILL insisted that their child is not wrong. They're like "Who Lewis??? He would NEVER!"

I watched as some individuals who claim to and get paid to be teachers took advantage of the "system". Work to rule? Maybe. They're like "Steups...whatever yes."

The general concern I had for my students has deepened into genuine care and love even. Not for all though...eh eh..some of dem bitches just evil! But in  some cases, its really heartbreaking to see them searching for someone - anyone to look up to. And usually, whether we want to be or not - it ends up being us. Great.

All in all the term was TIRING. I cannot say that I was not counting down the days to Easter vacation. Between SBAs, Mock exams, end of term exams...it wasn't easy at times. So the kids are home - the vacation is here and... beach here I come?

sports

so we at clendon mason memorial secondary school [cmmss - a school in dennery (saint lucia)] had our annual sports meet...i can't exactly remember when but it just happened cause i am blogging about it...and well ms max spoke about the children making out...i did not see to much of that in my neck of the woods but maisay! not to rum the people had there!!!

sports seem to bring out the worse in students...so while my house was busy putting the licks on the other athletes, the other children who could have taken a more vested interest in sports even though they can't run but at least they could jeer were busy drinking campari and bounty!

so you would expect that the following day, there would be some repercussions...no the kids stayed home while the teachers at cmmss had professional development day where we were taught how to test children for reading...and then we got to test the form ones...this went on for two days....

the kids come back on monday thoroughly rested but with no party for the winning house...denver, the last dinosaur aka the school principal promised cakes and drinks but this man, for a man of his girth, can be easily swayed and may even 'forget' that the children deserve a party....save for the rum drinking incident which he may not even blink an eye against, the children behaved well at sports and we do want to promote healthy, well rounded children right?

speaking of which, did you see the fat people's 60 metre dash?

what will happen tomorrow dear readers: will teachers actually run a race for fun at the end of the events? will we have high jump and discus events next year? will the students actually get a chance during PE to train for sports so that all the injuries are averted? only tomorrow knows and i will be blogging as long as there are tomorrows...

you know you love me!

xoxo
schezzi m

Peekaboo?

My school had Sports Day this week gone, and despite my purposeful lack of participation in the whole "house" and "marching" scene, I really enjoyed the day. In retrospect, I see now that the reason I did, was because of the time I got to spend with students that I have never interacted with - because I don't teach them.

While preparing hot dogs and basically babying them for the day, I grew to love some of these kids even more. And well some of them...let's just say...I tryin to not knock out de people chirren. We talked and laughed and it was relaxing to be able to "lime" with the students and not have to be monitoring them 24/7.

But alas, the joy was short lived as the SLACKERS tried to find various nooks and crannies within the stadium to make out. lol. Thinking about it now, it is a little funny to me. I try to think back to my first "in school, sports day" kiss...we sneaked to the back of the school and I received one of the worst kisses of my life! lol I cannot remember having such a terrible one after that. The spit, the teeth, the hot dogs....bleh! Anyways, I eventually ended up on patrol again, prowling the dressing rooms, catching students - faces red - genitals engorged- making out.

Eventually I was like...ugh..forget that...they eh brushin. lol lol Don't tell the other "good" teachers I said that! lol Imagine I even caught the SAME pair of students - "Sunny and Son" - TWICE! And I said to Sunny - "Little girl, you KNOW your father will kill yuh backside. Yuh think a kiss and feel up from Sun worth the coffin?"

Trinidad's MOE had a big hullabaloo bout student's coming to school on Ash Wednesday - how they gonna come if their parents tired from feting and jumpin in de street? Who goin an pack lunch kit?? What a joke. I was MOST present, spent the day organising for next week, when I know my students will be in school.

M.O.E - Ministry of Education