My Funny Valentine

Last Friday, on the 13th, I got the surprise of my life. A teacher came in the staff room with 3 Valentine's Day cards - one for me. I was thinking - awwwww from my Form 1 students...then I opened it:

To: Miss *****

From: Anonymous 

"You are the 'em' in my emphysema

You are the 'bron' in my bronchitis

You are the gills in my fish and the 'res' in my respiration

Without you I cannot breathe and most of all

You are the 'Bi' in my Biology

Everyone should have a special Valentine

I'll be yours if you'll be mine."

WOW! I was shocked, taken aback, thrown out of my seat...all kinda thing. I definitely know it is a Form 4 student because in class we're doing smoking and respiration - but who? I cannot guess. Definitely a first and my very funny valentine. 

On Patrol

Well people...Carnival season is here and the chillun' are in HEAT! 

It is AMAZING...they are practically jumping on each other...

Imagine this...over a period of 2 days, during lunch time:

1. Caught THREE couples making out - so far down each others throats behind the school that they din even see the teacher approaching. 

2. Caught a girl sucking the daylights out of a dude's "member"..lol..this one was funny. She says (after wiping her mouth) - "buh miss, we was jess talkin..."

3. A child found nothing else to do but piss in a bottle for $3.00 - in full view of the ENTIRE 

CLASS 

As hilarious as it seems, these situations are very stressful are hard to deal with. It is torture when the parents come in and INSIST that MY daughter WOULD NEVER do this or that as if the teacher placed them in these precarious positions. Sigh...really you have no idea.

My thoughts? Give the children a little 5 cents jam let dem flex out on each other till dey faint - or hose dem down for Christ sake!!! 

Round II

Well the vacation is over - just finished my first week back out to school....how was it? Can you say TORTURE?? lol It was real difficult getting back into "school mode". Over the Christmas vacation I got to be an irresponsible, doh care, young adult...now I have to go back to responsible, checking homework, planning labs, buffin annoyin chirren teacher. sigh...thank God for vacations. With barely 9 weeks of teaching before Easter vacation, it will be a struggle to get the students to focus- given Carnival, Sports etc. 

This was also the week of preparing report books, which we gave out yesterday. That was a new experience and wow - for my Form class the girls definitely 'out performing' the boys. And I talkin bout MAJOR licks dey getting eh...out of a class of 38 - the first boy came in 21st. Talk bout competition! So we had to give them the speech bout tryin harder, associating with people that will make them do well..blah blah....for me - it just makes sense to hang out wid at least ONE bright kid. Geez. Cyar be liming wid all the dim bulbs...

Anyways, update on IMac. Remember? Peppa sauce chick? Girl dropped 3 places this term. Yup. From coming in 1st place since form 1 to now placing 4th and a 15% drop in percentage. I think then, it would be safe to say that she can't mix man and book. Damn...I was kinda hoping she could. But my girl was depressed. She couldn't fathom a 4th place. She glanced over all the teacher's comments with disdain and soft sighs. Felt lil sorry for her but that feeling passed. If yuh cyar take man and focus on school, then drop one or the other. DUH. 

What else was new...ohhhh! I got a Teaching Assistant! That was a gift from Jah himself! The other teachers are jealous but ah well! I glad. My classes will do even better now. I've realized that teachers are strange people...maybe even stranger than engineers. Some pretend to care. And they do it very well. I mean if you didn't see them in the act with a student they didn't like you would never know. That pisses me off. I always maintain that I cannot be friends with people that I think are assholes. Yet some teachers expect that even though you know they don't want to be teachers, are doing a shit ass job, discriminate to some extent, don't give an ass whether the children under their care pass, fail and don't come at all, they STILL expect you to talk and hang out with them (socially that is). Not I papi. In this job dedication and responsibility is key. They not just failing a class, they messing up ALREADY messed up lives. These children don't live in ideal situations. They don't have a fraction of what we did. Yet some of them still chose to fuck up de children life even more. Go figure. We demand excellence yet we are appalled when it is demanded of us. 

I maintain that I want to teach. THIS is my passion. THIS is my dream job. It is isn't yours stop robbing the government and LEAVE. 

Hot Like Peppa!

For those of you with young girl children...hmmm BRACE  YOURSELF! Yeah yeah..I know you will teach them all the good values and blah blah blah and they will remain virgins forever and whatever else...HOWEVER

In our schools today - those girls coming out of primary school HOT. And as they enter Form 1 they start to boil and well...you understand...by Form 5 INEVITABLE eruption etc. etc. You see in the past we used to fool ourselves into thinking that the girls that did 'those' things came from a particular background and had a certain kind of parents. But now? Eh eh. They coming from the dual parent, social study book nuclear family and dey taking man like if it don't have a tomorrow. LOL

Not only that DEY BRIGHT!!!  Smart, top of the class. Nobody can't get a higher mark than them. I mean it have the typical not so smart ones - but in my experiecne so far - them girls on TOP of their work and dey man. 

This phenomena led me to wonder - is it necessarily a bad thing? I know I KNOW close yuh mouth! lol Not that I sayin that they SHOULD carry on with this type of promiscuous behaviour - but it seems that this generation is WELL ADAPTED to mix boys and books without a problem. Take for example - one girl- FORM 1- let's call her- IMac. IMac toping every test and Imac wid - not a form 1 0r 2,3,4,5 but a FORM SIX fella. Dude in his 20's. 

I will further investigate this phenomena and see if Imac can continue to mix boys and books. Update forthcoming.

End of Term exams coming up and I cannot wait to:

a) Get paid

b) Get my first vacation

c) See how my kids do in exams

d) Experience my first Christmas party as Form teacher

e) Get paid

Heroes

Well... it's been 10 WEEKS. I've been teaching, learning, educating and experiencing for 70 days. And although there have been some challenges - the same feeling I had at the beginning of the term is still there. In this short time I have been exposed to so much information from some of the kids - that at times it is overwhelming. After knowing I think - DAMN! I should not have asked. 

Today a child in one of my classes (female), told her friends she wants to commit suicide - how life so stressful, and she doesn't want to live anymore. FORM 3 EH PEOPLE! Initial reaction? "Wha de ass a 15 year old could have to stress she out so? Steups." Upon further investigation? Parents beating the girl to come first in test, she is being bullied and all sorta shit happening. Thing is, when these sort of situations happen - the child is looking to you to be their hero. And well some teachers? Could not care less.  And that was just today.  

Yesterday one of my form students, the cutest lil indian boy you could ever see - starts cryin uncontrollably in another teacher's class. The teacher comes to tell me - and I go to him. He's fine at first. I say- Josh** what's wrong? As I say that- TEARS streaming down his face as he says "nothin miss". I was taken aback. Honestly - I didn't have a clue what to do. Part of me just wanted to hug him and say "don't worry" - while the other part was like "Aye, doh touch de people chile!"

They look to us when they are being abused (and the incidence is higher than you could imagine), when they can't cope with home, when she is being forced to live with a man cause her mother sent her there, basically when their lives are spiraling out of control and they don't know what to do. Parents are not all that they are chalked up to be and sometimes you would not BELIEVE how they F*%K up their kids lives.

If you're a parent, I pray that you aren't one of those. Because you have NO IDEA the kinda damage you causing to not only your kids but other people own too.

Anyways, on a lighter note - REPRODUCTION 

(Male student)- "Miss, when a girl has an orgasm, something does.....*pause*....does...*pause* come down?"

(Female student) - "Miss, if I drink sperm, I could get pregnant?"

(Male student) - "Miss, so if I like, freeze my sperm in de deep freeze, I could use it after?"

Dedications

I gave my Form 3 class a project to do on Global Warming and the Greenhouse effect. Besides the OBVIOUS and blatant plagiarism - I got some well done and creative projects. But that is not what this is about. I got a REAL shock in one of my student's projects - A dedication. You know how they say self praise is no praise? It really isn't. It makes more sense when it comes unexpectedly from the heart of someone else.  I mean meh boy coulda been just tryin to score some extra marks eh... but I only saw it after I had marked the project. hehehehe

"I dedicate this project to my Integrated Science teacher Ms. *****, because she is the one who educates me about the things in science that I didn't even know about. If it wasn't for her, I would not have been researching about global warming and the greenhouse effect to feed my brain with this interesting information about the earth that we live in. I am very grateful to her for that and this is why I dedicate this project to her. Thank you Miss." 

Sex. Fact, fiction and ALL the other lies we tell our kids

So as promised this is the update to reproduction.  In continuing with the female reproductive system, I did the menstrual cycle, pregnancy and female reproductive organs. And my my my...what lies some kids are told. The things don't even make sense. For example:

(Female student) :"Miss, is it true that when you crack your knuckles you will be barren?"

(Male student): "Miss is there a REAL safe period to have sex with a girl and she doesn't get preggo?"

(Female student): " Miss is having sex during your period wrong?"

I am glad that they asked. Separates the facts from the lies they are told. Some of the kids even looked genuinely worried. I mean when they had gotten over the fact that their teacher in their presence was using words like 'penis', vagina', 'penetration', 'intercourse' and 'ejaculation' - they had some REAL concerns. This led me to wonder how many parents even talk to their children about sex? And even if they don't do they even bother to dispel some of the rumors floating out there? That is such a real responsibility - I don't think they realize. 

On Monday we talk more about birth control and abortion. I have my own views on abortion - but I have to be careful not to impose them on the children. I have always hated that as a student. Where the teacher almost forced you to believe that the words coming out of her mouth was gospel and you couldn't think or feel anything else. So I will try my best. We're also starting reproduction in plants. LOl. I'm sure they are going to be bored out of their minds! lol lol Especially compared to the excitement of reproduction in humans.

For anyone reading out there - make sure your kids know the TRUTH about sex. Not de shit talk.