Tests. Tears. Assessment.

As a teacher the mantra goes "I teach therefore I test"...though sometimes I think it should be "I teach therefore I drink" lol

Every teacher one several occasions throughout the year tests. We create forms of assessment that we think suits the levels we taught at - yet sometimes you get complaints and even on rarer occasions...tears.

Last Friday I gave an exam that I felt sure my students would be able to think through and complete comfortably. We marked the exam right then and there in the classroom and it left the students unhappy and me literally horrified.

I pride myself in being a teacher that has my students best interest at heart. I only test what I teach and I gave adequate room during lessons for questions and a variety of examples. Yet for all so many of them failed the exam or barely passed that I could not help but question what went wrong during the teaching?

My feeling got even lower today as I saw one of the students this morning jst as I got in. I said, "Bee how you going love?"

"Miss I ok. Oh gosh Miss that test!"

"Don't worry I making sure to go through it in class on Wednesday. We will sort it out"

"Miss doh watch mih...I don't like to do bad"

"Don't worry we will fix dat."

The child was in tears. She didn't want me to look at her because she was so ashamed of her performance.

My heart dropped. I felt as if I had failed her. Sigh. I still am not sure how to fix it.

The joys of teaching come with alot of challenges.

Even after teaching the lessons, correcting the homework, answering questions during extra sessions...still. Tears can happen and you feel as if it had gone for naught.

New Year. 2008 to Present...

I find it a bit hard to take in the fact that it is almost my three year anniversary in teaching.

Many lives impacted...in fact I checked

Form 5, Form 6 x 3 = 165 students. Graduated. Moving forward.

I learned that as teachers we learn and take so much from our students that it is only a justified that we in return give them the best of our abilities.

SO 2011..here we are. Looking for new ways to do better and be better.

In Full Flight

Today my class graduated.

My first Form 4- Form 5 Biology class.

My first teaching experience class.

Not an inherited class.

My class.

As I saw them smiling in their seats I wondered whether I gave them everything they needed to go out and do well.

Did I give enough advice?

Enough guidance?

Sigh...I couldn't help but feel this sense of apprehension.

So innocent. So much they did not yet know.

Before the sadness could fully envelope me, I started receiving some "notes" and words of comfort

" i just wanted to say that you are a wonderful teacher and thanks for teaching me. its so great that you instilled very valuable information in me that i can use very wisely today. i hope you have alot of fun with the new upper sixes as you did with us."

"Thanks Miss"

"Miss you could add me on FB now! I graduate! Love you Miss!"

Well...you get the idea. So I hold on to the hope that their paths though not perfect, will be filled with experiences that allow them to learn and thrive...fly...

Sacrifice

Sometimes as a teacher, you have to be the "bad guy".

You have to hold your students accountable for their actions and call them to task on their shortcomings. Frankly, it sucks. Ultimately we know that the action is for "their own good" and will help them out "in the long run" - but sometimes the cliches appended to the actions do not make you feel any better.

This week I had to pull one of my students out of the football team. After missing several classes, not doing assignments, the unspoken rule perhaps at our school is, if you cannot balance the both, academia must prevail. It was even easier to do this when the coach said "well he doh really play". Still...after all was said and done - it sucked.

Another sucky thing was I had to call in my Form 5s for a lunch time session, because of all the Friday holidays in this term. They came - but complained. I couldn't understand why they couldn't see that the very sacrifice they were making I had to do the same. Sigh...I understand the term "teacher burnout" now, even though I am not experiencing it myself, because I can see how after years and years of sometimes forcing children to do things that benefit them can take its toll.

I hope and pray that I always have the stamina to sacrifice and give the extra that our children deserve. When I cannot...I will resign.

“We, the unwilling,led by the unknowing,are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long,with so little,we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.”

Smiles on Rainy Days.

This post is dedicated to my students that make me smile. Particularly my Form 5 Biology Class. It is one thing to love your job and what you do, to give and give and give...but sometimes when the cup runs a little low it can be difficult to find a refill.

Last Monday I went to class, drained, tired, sick and generally not in a good mood. I always try not to let my emotional state affect what I give to my students, but that day I was really running on "E" the tank was empty, and I had no choice but to deliver to my class of 41 students. I said to the first student attempting to frustrate me:

"Look! This is NOT a democracy. It is a dictatorship. I am Fidel. This is Cuba. I make the rules."

To which the child replied: "Miss we will do like animal farm and have ah revolution"

"Well until the uprising...sit down."

As the class progressed I knew that my students knew I was not too well - even without me telling them that. They used the chance to work diligently at the activity - to throw in a joke here and there - that had me in stitches! I left that class, still sick, but feeling SOOOOOO much better. I told them, "You all know that you are real special right?"

On my rainy day, those students were my sunshine and I don't think they will really ever know how much it meant to me to receive from them.

Results. Exams. Suicides. Regrets.

Well some of the students I teach received their exam results today.

As is always the case, some did well, some did not.

I am sad though, because I want them all to succeed so badly.

I wish I could be in the room with them as they sit the exam...but alas I cannot

I have to pray and hope that my teaching and their studying was enough to satisfy the unfair exams that do not truly test our students on what they have learnt, but rather the art of regurgitation....

I heard in a news report today also that a student after receiving her results committed suicide. Went to school. Collected results. Shared it with her parents. Went into her room. Later that night. Took a sheet and hung herself. I can only imagine how she felt, the deep disappointment that would push her to this point....I can only imagine how her parents now feel. The regret. What could they have said, or not said to avoid this situation from happening?

I insist that if there is teaching - there must be learning. Results must reflect hard work and persistence on the parts of the teachers and the students. I understand that we cannot hold our students hand all the time but surely something more can be done....

Turnover

Well I am approaching my 2nd anniversary. I feel as if so much more time has past than just these two years. I have come into contact with hundreds of students...so many lives that now have something to say about "Miss..."

Vacation is here and I miss school actually. Miss my passion. I think I am a workaholic. lol. Is it weird for a teacher to say that? I think so. I am looking forward to the new year. New faces. new challenges.

Till then.